Published On : August 23, 2016
We Americans love our Olympic heroes, even though the 2016 Summer Olympics has come to a close. We're still starry-eyed over our most recent world record holders, especially Simone Biles, Katie Ledecky and Michael Phelps. We're fascinated with their natural talent, and most of us can barely comprehend (much less emulate) the relentless dedication and rigorous training regimens that brought them to Olympic victories .
But, what if Olympic athletes had to submit a resume to enter the games? What if Michael Phelps could only make it to the podium if he first showed the world a one-page description of his credentials and asked us to review it, like billions of skeptical hiring managers?
Instead of diving into the pool, regular job seekers must describe their talent to prospective employers using neatly organized blocks of text (i.e., your resume). If you think about it objectively, Olympic athletes have a huge advantage; the cameras capture their victories and viewers watch in real time. We, on the other hand, are forced to sell our past accomplishments and future potential using choice words on a piece of paper.
Let's turn the tables and have some fun.
M i c h a e l Phelps
Freestyle and butterfly swimming expert seeking gold medalist position in the hearts of Americans. Excellent personality, compelling backstory, and strong swimming skills. Looking for a role that involves high levels of swimming.
K-12: Diagnosed with ADHD. Put into pool. Started swimming. Kept swimming.
1992: Started swimming lessons
1992-2004: Swam. Took occasional breaks to eat 12,000 calories per day.
2004: Attended Athens Olympic Games. Earned six gold and two bronze medals for short and long distance butterfly, freestyle, and medley relays. Turned 19.
2005-2008: Thought about doing other things besides swimming. Didn't.
2008: Attended Beijing Olympic Games. Made new friends. Learned valuable lessons about life and swimming. Brought home eight gold medals (for swimming).
2008-2012: Got up early every day. Went swimming. Was offered a nice steady position as an insurance salesman. Turned it down.
2012: Attended London Olympic Games. Excelled in butterfly, freestyle and medley relay swimming. Received many very nice compliments on swimming technique. Also brought home four gold and two silver medals (also for swimming).
2012-2016: Engaged in excessive swimming. Learned how to swim faster for longer periods of time. Started reading a book. Didn't finish. Watched opening credits of a movie. Turned it off. Went swimming.
2016: Attended Rio Olympic Games. Broke world record with final count of 23 Olympic gold medals (and 28 medals total).
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